My Nike Story

Hey Everyone!

So I don’t know about you, but I LOVE looking good for “working out” (AKA when I DO actually exercise!). No not hair and makeup lol, but clothing! If you are like me, we wear out exercise clothing even for not exercising, which probably influences me to dress nicely even when I’m at the gym. Anyways, I buy a ton of brightly colored and unique patterned gym clothing.

I do have a funny store about my shoes I bought from Sport Chek a while ago. One day I was talking to my mom and she would not stop dropping hints about buying new work runners. Basically, I wore these shoes to Italy and everyday would involve me walking 30 minutes to work. Then at work I was working with dusty boxes of artifacts and walking around all day. After I would walk 30 mins home or sometimes it would take us an extra 10- 20 mins to go to the grocery store and longer to catch a train. You get the picture, it was A LOT of walking and my beautiful shoes were trashed. I had been putting off buying shoes when I got back, because funds were tight and I was also slightly attached. Anyways, my mom got sick of looking at them and offered to help pay. We went to Sport Chek, because one of my friends gave me a discount card, and was like buy Nikes to which I was like fine, whatever.

There I was looking at all of these florescent and beautifully patterned shoes- holding up the brightest pair of red shoes when this worker comes over to ask me if he could help me. So, I wold him I wanted to a size 7 and he looked at me, then back at the shoe. He grabbed it from me and looked it over then said “No you don’t want these shoes.” To which I was starring at him all weird and saying “Yes, I do?”  He then looked at me scrunched up this shoe into a little ball and retorted- ” Look, no support. These are terrible shoes and expensive. Let me show you these shoes that I know you’re going to hate.”

I just looked over at my mom mouthing “What the fuck?” to her as she was trying to hold back a laugh. So I followed him over to the shoes he was looking at to amuse him, even though I knew I was going to buy those bright red shoes. I could just imagine myself showing them off to all my work friends. He picked up the UGLIEST shoe ever and tried to scrunch it up into a ball and couldn’t. “See the support on these babies?”. My mom’s response was something like on these babies?”. My mom’s response was something like ” Ya….. Great….. Those really aren’t her style,” He was like ” You know kids today don’t appreciate well supported shoes anymore. All they want are the colorful ones”

I’d like to take a second to say that I am 24 and was being lectured by a guy a year older than me- which makes this story even better! Also, I started having flashbacks to the days my dad would ship for me. Style was VERY much second to support and practicalities of staying warm in winter. One time, I got a pair of these mittens that basically went up to my elbows and were the ugliest things ever- even though they were warm.

After saying this, he decided it would be better to try to sell us pretty shoes that were half supported. I looked at them to not offend him, but my heart was dead set on these bright red shoes. I didn’t need them to exercise in, just to walk in everyday- especially at a job where I walk a lot. Support is great for exercise, but these are meant to be walking shoes- which I had of course told him. I basically looked at my mom for support, because I’m a combination of socially awkward and a person who can’t stay no.

My mom was like ” No…. Thanks… I think we are done.”

“Phew, thank god I don’t make commission!” was his last response before walking off LOL. We were laughing so hard on the way out!

To conclude this story, I would like to say that we are chickens and went back on his lunch break to buy the shoes. AND that is how I got my beautiful, bright, red Nikes!

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Beautiful walk in these awesome shoes!

Thanks to the worker for an awesome story!

-Erin xo

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Art Life

Hi Beloved Readers!

One of the things I love to do is create again, I don’t want to go on this crazy rant about not having  time, but basically I realize it’s missing from my life and I want it back. So, it’s back now!

I can’t remember when I really started to love art, but I can remember that I’ve loved it from the start! I always loved coloring (especially when gel pens were a thing!). My mom always told me that I used to sit and sing for hours creating or coloring. I used o always watch that kids show Art Attack! Loved it! I even remember trying out the crafts with my mom.

In jr. high, I was disappointed to not get into art. I didn’t get into fashion either- annoying- but by then I had improved my sketching techniques! One time I went to my aunt’s house and she set up a light under a glass table and I sketched people (I did Beyonce- I was super excited!), and traced them. The tracing was a back up and I practiced sketching and gave me a confidence booster to eventually draw without tracing.IMG_3032

By high school, I finally got into an art class! (I didn’t get in before, because art was so popular and the class was full). I took all of the art classes I could get my hands on! Art 10 to AP Art 30-1 where I got to paint my own scene at a mall! My artwork and plaque is still up there! In Art 10, I had this grouchy, old man teach me art. He never showered when he was on an art roll, because he didn’t want to wash off his artistic ability. So gross. He also always picked on your artwork- although there was one girl who could do no wrong that we were all very jealous of! But without all of that criticism, I worked hard and learned some new techniques. I always felt I had to work harder than anyone else because everyone else had taken art classes and camps- and I never did! The next three classes I took, I had a new teacher because our old, smelly one retired. She was amazing! She taught me creativity and let me do whatever I wanted, but brought in even more mediums to work with. My favorite will always be chalk. I love the colors and I always use my hands. I also loved sculpting and watercolors.IMG_3026

After I graduated I got into Arts at MacEwan. Everyone in life will always push people to sciences. That’ s more practical and science is important. It pays well, has more jobs, more benefits, arts suck, there’s no jobs, blah, blah, blah. I hate people like this. Arts programs have writing jobs like journalism, archaeology (mine), psychology as well, and so much more. People should NEVER make you feel bad for the cancer or path you take! Music is art and it is very powerful! People travel the world for paintings, sculptings- you name it! Everyone reads, watches movies, plays video games, and TV shows- all a form of art. Science can heal you, create buildings and technology, keeps us safe at times, helps us understand nature, chemistry- whatever else the world has to offer! But art helps us feel, express emotions, understand these things science has provided. What you put into this world is important and beautiful. Arts took me to Italy and arts will give me a career. I may never make money off of it, but at least I’ll wake up everyday with a love for my job and a sense of purpose. That’s my biggest and sole fear- will my life have meaning? Can I do something that makes me happy and earn enough to live on? I hope so! And that’s the goal!IMG_3031

Throughout the years, after my high school art classes. I’ve ignored my art to do more “important” things. But, it’s time to get back to it!

– Erin xo

Journaling

Sept 23, 2017

Hey Everyone!

I know a while back I talked about my anxiety and then disappeared for a month. I am fine, I was/ still am very busy and at the time I thought “Somethings gotta give.” After a month I realized that it can’t be the blog- it has to be something I don’t like that I’m forcing myself to keep doing. So, I quit my job- 1 of them. I know it’s the same job I’ve been trying to quit for a while, only now I have an exact quit date and found people to replace me. I’m thrilled because now I can officially be done and gone before Mexico!

Anyways, the thing I said last time about my anxiety is that I am a writer. I love writing; it soothes me. Whenever I feel any kind of emotion- I write. It’s what I use to soothe my anxiety and get rid of feelings of failure, sadness, anger, but also it reminds me of the times I am happy! On bad days, I read about the good times and it makes me happier. Now I know everyone is different and it becomes tedious to some, or some people don’t get the same joy out of it and that’s fine! But, for anyone who thinks they’re a bad writer and can’t do it- you’re wrong! You can and also who cares! Over time you’ll get better if anyways. Also, I want to add that any form is fine. Personally, I like to physically write it out, but typing, or video blogs, etc work just the same!

So how did I get started on writing? When I was in grade 6, I got a book for Christmas. It was pink and flowery and surprisingly my favorite because I was such a tom boy. I was at my aunt and uncle’s farm in Saskatchewan, Canada and had the time of my life feeding all of the animals! I wanted to keep talking about it, bit I have told everyone! So- I took my fancy new sparkly gel pens and started a journal writing about all my best moments and experiences. Who knew that 13 years later I would still be journaling! Not only was I able to say anything I wanted, but its been a complete account for my life! Some good memories, , some bad- but my life for 13 years has been documented!

When I got to jr. high, I struggled with my anxiety and even started to self medicate. Journaling helped because when I would read back, I realized I hated what I was doing and it was one of the reasons I stopped.

Journaling has always given me a freedom to say what I want, when I want, without consequence. This is good! If I’m frustrated with someone or something, I can write it out and feel better without hurting anyone’s feelings or causing problems and I am able to let it go after. Sometimes I can go back and make a plan about what my next step is in an emotional situation. This way I can write out my frustrations and then make a rational rather than emotional reaction. It’s also just fun! I used to get journals for Christmas and I love buying them. I make a day out of it. I got to Chapters, buy new fancy pens, and a new pretty book, and go over to Starbucks, and start writing and drinking my fancy drinks.IMG_0224

I also just love reading my stuff from when I was a kid. I had some hilarious problems! From the boy crushes to the stories- hilarious. I also have memories from all of these trips I went on with my family! What’s funny too is that you can probably find every score for every single one of my brother’s hockey and soccer games! I LOVED going! It was one of my favorite things to do! As for my sister- her cheerleading and dance competitions were noted later on!

The new thing that’s out is bullet journaling- that looks so much fun! I never had the time to keep up with one, but I would love to start! Pinterest is definitely a great resource for starting! IMG_0225

You’re never too young or old to journal. Society gives off this image of moody teenagers angrily writing and people breaking that person’s privacy by reading to check in. Here’s my opinion about that: 1. You don’t have to use it for just problems. It’s a good way to document your life. Don’t worry about age. It’s for anyone and it records the good and the bad times. I’ve written daily about trips, games, good books, quotes to live by, good memories, movies I loved. But I’ve also written about the bad times to help me out- now these problems seem like nothing! Especially guys! I’ve definitely looked back and been like wtf was I thinking- even about the most recent! 2. It can be as private or as public as you want it to be. I’m still going through my 20s. The years of crossroads, anxiety about the future, and confusion about me making the right choices. Currently, it’s private. But one day I want it to be public to maybe my future kids can learn about me!

So write! And let me know what you think!

-Erin xo

Five Foot Two

September 23, 2017

Well, if you love Lady Gaga as much as I do then, I know that you have already watched her new documentary: Five Foot Two. If you haven’t seen it yet- watch it asap. It is truly an amazing documentary! Also, this movie is relateable because I am also Five Foot Two and if you really compare to the song- I have eyes of blue :).

It was an amazing view into her life and explains a lot- i.e. why her tour keeps cancelling dates. I found I could relate to her feelings and emotions, even though the situations were very different. Loneliness and fear or never finding someone was a big part of it. For her the fame and the achievements are the reasons she feels like guys leave in the end. They can’t handle it. For me, obviously that is not why I feel lonely. I, like her, find myself alone at night feeling lonely and thinking is this it for me? Will I ever find someone, I just have the same doubts. I guess this is what I mean: the documentary humanizes her, and I feel like this is important for people to see. It also shows that life is hard no matter what your socioeconomic status is. I think that it’s important to know that people are struggling all over, and although some people are privileged and can deal with the issue faster or at all, they still have that issue. It was also just so emotional. I cried, I laughed, I yelled- I felt all of the emotions. This latest album had so much feeling and emotion. It was a side of Lady Gaga that a lot of us have never seen. It was emotional, raw, beautiful. It was a new sound. Her documentary showed all of this and that was the best part. To see her throwing her whole self, and true self into an album was what made the documentary memorable for me.IMG_0664

I also just loved how the movie was filmed. The opening and end scenes with superbowl sent shivers done my spine! The music playing, the rise up into the sky- Awesome. Spoilers for those who haven’t seen it, but the baptism part was my favourite! The music, outfits, cars- it was all like a movie, but it’s just her life. What made that part stand out even more was her relationship with her family. Sometimes in Holliwood, people are famous because of their parents, or their parents force them into becoming an actress or actor and you see these sob stories of people being estranged from their families. It was awesome to see that she has such a strong family unit and how much the album meant to her family. It was like a gift to her family that album. I’m not saying theirs something wrong with famous parents, but it’s just nice to see someone who worked hard and got to where they are, but are still supported and loved so deeply and strongly.

Anyways! I guess you could say I liked the movie. 😉 What did you think of it?

– Erin xo

As Leaf Subsides To Leaf…

September 21, 2017

Hey Lovely People!

It is fall here in Alberta, Canada! The leaves are officially yellow, the temperature goes down to 0 degrees Celsius at night, and pumpkin spice is back at Starbucks! Fall is one of the most beautiful seasons of the year. I love the colours of my little world. I actually prefer the colder seasons anyways. I’d rather be too cold then too hot. With cold comes warm drinks, oversized chucky scarves, baggy sweaters, and Chapters reading socks. Fall clothing makes me super happy!

So, as you can probably guess already, I am obsessed with fall clothing! I had a very fun online shopping spree spending my time splurging on summer deals, and the new fall lines! I, of course, justified everything I bought with an excuse. So here are my latest purchases:

Ok, so a couple of weeks ago, my cousin and I went shopping for a dress for her because she has a wedding coming up! She found absolutely nothing, and I found more clothing than I could probably afford! The store we went to is in a small, but growing town in rural Alberta and is called Twig. The store collects a lot of different brands, but overall, their style is more laid back, and comfy. It just looks more stylish than wearing sweatpants- so definitely my favourite! Half of their store was dedicated to the end of summer with beautiful long dresses that were made of that stretchy/soft material, and the other half was their fall line. They had the chunky sweaters, vests, plaid shirts, soft basic tees- all of my favourite things! In the end, I feel like I restrained myself as best as I could. I bought a plaid, soft vest that was just a little bit puffy (perfect!). I also bought just a plain, grey tee. It’s super soft, also baggy and long. I have the worst time trying to find t-shirts like this that are a normal colour! I’m surprised I didn’t buy more!

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The other store I splurged on (No Regrets!!), is this little Boutique in Montreal. Obviously, I do not live in Montreal so I do a lot of online shopping! It’s called 1861, and I just happened to find a link to the site one day when I was on Facebook! This stuff can sometimes feel very formal, but I promise that it is worth it to splurge. A lot of the stuff you can dress down. The clothing is also made very well, and is good quality. Outfits can be cheap- I find some stuff is very expensive, while others is more affordable. And, when you get your outfit shipped to you, they wrap it up in the most beautiful way, and they leave a note! My last one said that I had made some excellent selections and they hope I enjoy- they also left a little quote and personally signed it. It’s good service, even though I’m so far away! So what was this amazing selection I purchased! I bought a new fall jacket! It’s thin, but baggy and comfy (clearly how I describe all of my clothing 😉). It looks like a green trench coat! I love it! I also got a skirt! It’s outside of my comfort zone, so I am super excited to wear it! It’s white with all gold and black shapes! Both are amazing pieces, and I can’t wait to wear them this weekend!

Well, the rest of the stuff I splurged on is not clothing, so I’ll let you know what else I splurged on in future posts. What’s your favourite thing about fall? What kinds of clothes do you normally splurge on? 😊

– Erin xo

Learning to Cook

Cooking. Cooking has never been my thing! If we could go back and look at all of the meals I’ve ever made in my life, you would see that I have a long history of burning recipes. It doesn’t even matter if I am cooking or baking, it’s not a good track record.

I would like to get better. I always feel bad, because my family has always been good at cooking! My dad is amazing. He isn’t a chef, but when he gets time to, he is amazing at it. He puts his own spin on various kinds of recipes and will remake certain recipes, changing it each time until it’s perfected. Some of the things he tries are misses, but that is pretty rare now. My grandma is also a good cook as well. Since she has retired, she spends most of her time watching cooking shows or trying out new recipes as well. She always cooks with extremely fresh vegetable- most coming from her garden.

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Why have I never gotten into cooking? I have no idea. I just know that I shy away, because I know that I am not really that good at it. I also don’t make time or put myself out there to get better at it. I just don’t get how chefs taste something and are like you know what, this would pair really well with this. HOW CAN YOU TELL!

This is something that I have been wanting to try for a while. I wanted to get a book of recipes together that I like and work for me. Currently, I am building a recipe book for myself. I am going to use a variety of sources. I have Pinterest for days I’m stuck, I have old family recipes, such as homemade perogies, and I have my parents overflowing recipe book cabinet (and of course the library for more options). I plan on calling this section Pinterest Successes 2.0. A while back, my brother’s girlfriend and her sister and friends added me to a Pinterest group called Pinterest Successes. In the group, everyone shares what recipes worked for them. I would love to do the same, but blog form! However, the first few might not be successes until I get better at it though! 😉 ( I will definitely let you know if I failed, and also I will let you know where the recipe came from as well!)

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This should be interesting! I’m hoping by the end I have a ton of new recipes and options to choose from, and please give me recipe and food advice whenever you can! It would be much appreciated! What are your favourite cookbooks? Favourite sites for recipes? What kinds of foods should I try out?

 

– Erin xo

Now Back To Sports:

First day back typing about nutrition and fitness…. Does anyone else get annoyed by all those fitness gurus looking like they know what they’re doing, working hard and all that? I just get annoyed, because I am so busy working with 4 jobs, and people are ALWAYS trying to give me fitness advice and tell me to make time for it and blah blah blah. The reality is, is that I barely have time to shower let alone workout everyday, and I want my own downtime of gaming or reading or whatever! So people giving me advice is sometimes annoying unless you personally know me. I get offended VERY easily about this topic. It’s a hard topic for me! I used to have a 6 pack and be in a crazy amount of sports- and I was good at them. By the time I hit university, I had quit everything and was ready to focus on school and work. I ate like crap, because I was busy and needed something fast. I didn’t work out because working out is grueling and boring to me. People get so obsessed with exercising and eating healthy and I am so glad that you are so excited about that, but realistically that is not me. The gym is boring to me. I need more competition. However, I have put on a lot of weight that is very hard for me to accept. I have disgusting stretch marks I am ashamed of and I just don’t look the same or feel as good. I have a hard time accepting that someone would be attracted to me now. Also when it comes to food, I love eating healthy food and not healthy food- but that is the thing too. I do not want to cut myself off from junk food. I want to enjoy my life, not be on some limited diet. So now that I have confessed to being bored by the gym, I think I realize now that I need to find something that will be an enjoyable way to lose weight or suck it up and go. When I was in sports, exercising was easier because I was not only already in shape, but I had something to work towards. The gym meant a better game to me. I was working towards that sports goal. Now, none of those goals seem like their enough for me, and they don’t hold me accountable.

I really did love my sports.

The first sport I ever played was soccer, AKA football for all my non- North American loves, when I was 3! I was thrilled when I started because I was a small girl playing on my older brother’s soccer team with all of his friends. I loved it. When I was 12? 14? You could start to tryout for the competitive rep leagues. The first time I tried out for soccer to see what league they would put me in, they put me in the worst league for the people who had never played soccer. I was so disappointed- I thought I was really good and I wanted to be like my brother who played rep soccer and was the best on his team! My mom saw this and messaged the league asking if they would come out and evaluate me if they had time just to see if there was anything they could do. They came out, I played my hardest and they moved me up to the top team in the league! After that I played Tier 1 soccer until I had to quit when I tore me knee doing a slide tackle. I have made lots of friends and had the privilege to travel all over for soccer. It was a fun and amazing experience for me. I used to love going to watch the women’s team Canada play and hoping I would be one of them one day! But it wasn’t in the cards for me, because I had another sports passion, and could not make a decision on what to play.

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My Brother is on the far left and I may or may not be the one named Erin 🙂

When I was 3, my parents put me in figure skating. I did that until I was 9 and was SO insanely bored by it. I hated it, but my parents wouldn’t let me quit and play women’s hockey. The problem at that time was that women’s hockey in my hometown wasn’t where it’s at today. My dad wanted my skating skills to grow and not be hindered for a game. So, I sat on the sidelines hoping to play. One day when we went to the rink early for my brother’s hockey game, I saw a bunch of girls skating around on hockey skates playing what looked like hockey, but without the blade on the end of their sticks! They were passing around a blue, rubber, ring. They were all girls, so I was excited, because my dad wouldn’t let me play boys hockey. I grabbed my dad’s arm and dragged him over to watch! I think we were both amazed at the speed and the game itself! It was new and exciting! The next year, my dad put me in a training camp for ringette. I could not skate. Figure skates have a different blade and edge than hockey skates, this was so hard! It took me half a season to truly figure out the skating. I was so determined to do better, so I kept going back for more. It was so fun! It took me a while, but three years later I was able to skate, had the rules memorized, and had made a name for myself. That was when I started making the teams I wanted to make! I also had made friends with a girl who became my defence partner for the rest of my ringette career. We were the best duo, and made every team together. Coaches just knew to put us together. We had a special bond and everyone knew it! Ringette gave me a solid friend group. Whenever there were problems with friends at school, I would always have my team for backup. I loved the sport and the people. Great experience. For anyone that doesn’t know, ringette is basically hockey with a few more rules! Also, there is no blade on the end of your stick and you pass what’s called a ring! If you don’t know what hockey is, check out an NHL game- especially in Canada, and what sports is your country known for?!

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Ringette Years- I’m Number 10, my defense partner was number 2! 

I did have some other school sports I played as well. During the school year, I would always get sucked into joining track, because I had soccer experience and was actually good at the long distance and pacing myself (I was not good at the short distance- AT ALL). I did win a turkey during the Thanksgiving track season, I did enjoy running at that time. Not so much anymore. People today are obsessed with marathons which is awesome, but not me. I’m just over that, I went through that phase earlier in life. I also did a season of basket ball. I am terrible at basket ball. My one friend wanted me and a bunch of our friend group to tryout together. I truly think she wanted us to see how good she was at basket ball, so she would make the team and we wouldn’t. Turns out we all made the team with her- hilarious. My best friend didn’t and was recruited as a manager which she proceeded to not do anything management wise hahah. Too funny! Anyways, I got benched a lot because I could not get a basket for the life of me! The whole year I only got one! I truly believe that the only reason I made it was because I was aggressive from ringette and not bad shape! I did have fun with my friends though. Other than that I mainly stuck to soccer in school and ringette academy.

 

I still love sports with a deep passion, but my playing days are over. I cannot give full commitment to a team anymore. I love watching the Oilers for NHL, Seattle Seahawks for NFL, Blue Jays if I ever watch baseball, Edmonton Eskimos for CFL, and soccer I barely watch actually! When I do, I just enjoy the sport versus cheering for a team, but if I had to pick I would pick Italy, because I lived there for a month. I will always and forever watch EVERY single sport in the Olympics that Canada is in and cheer for my country!

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Edmonton Oilers won this game for those wondering!

Story telling/ rehashing day number 1! Thanks for listening to me ramble on for ever!

– Erin xo

Hello Again!

September 17, 2017

It has been 30 days since I’ve posted last… where have I been?

Well, the short answer is that I have been working. But the longer answer is that I’m too busy and stuck in a job that I hate right now and can’t get out of. By the time I finally do get home I’m ready to lay in bed and do nothing, which has been what I’ve been doing! I work almost 20 hours a day, and I cannot wait for my last day. The days I do have off, I’m stuck trying to catch up on my life. I either clean, nap, hang out with friends I haven’t seen in months, prep for the work week by doing all the paperwork I have been unable to do during the week, catching up on some reading or Netflix. SO that’s where I’ve been! Not exciting at all! Currently, I feel overworked and I’m hoping that ends by the end of this month.

Anyways, I’m back and I’ve missed you guys! I finally got a day to do what I want to do and I’m taking full advantage! So in 30 days what have I been up too?

I have been reading as much as I can! I’m trying to keep up when I do get a break at work and also when I’m at home. I read The humans by Matt Haig. This felt like more of a philosophy book, but had a great message and was told in a great way. The book is about an alien who comes to earth to kill a mathematician that has solved an important mathematical theory. He writes his book on the humans he is surrounded by and their views on life. The alien is from an efficient planet that does not value emotions, art, and anything that makes you feel. He learns to love and really questions and examines life lessons. I swear it is less dull than I keep putting it! I give it 4 out of 5 stars! Another book I read was Dragon Teeth by Michael Crichton (Jurassic Park author). I started this book and was thinking, it’s ok, but once I really got reading it I knew it was a book I would read again! It takes place in western times. The west is not established basically, and the main character goes on a school trip with a paleontologist to find dinosaur bones. On their trip, he gets left in the west with the dinosaur teeth he had found, and it is a story about his attempts to get home and save the teeth. He fights cowboys, native americans, and anyone else that threatens this mission to get home. I never read westerns, they’re not really my thing, but I enjoyed this! Another 4/5 stars from me! Next book I read is Into the Water by Paula Hawkins (Girl on the Train author)! I really do love a good crime novel and this one was very good! I gave this another 4/5 stars too! I swear I’m more critical than this! I just read some really good books! This one, I can’t talk too much about because I don’t want to give it away (ask anyone, I’m so terrible for this! Don’t trust me with your secrets!!). Anyways, the mystery surrounds a river in the city that is known for women’s bodies being found there. Each character has their own chapter, but some of them were unique characters that added some mystery! One was named Erin so of course I was thrilled! Last book I read was Tranny by Laura Jane Grace (Lead singer of Against Me!). I LOVED this book! A+++ x a million! A total of 5/5 stars! This band means everything to my best friend and I, we’ve gone to a ton of their concerts over the years. They actually just played here last week and I saw them! I am currently wearing their merch and typing this! It’s a book about her life. It has a good combination of a lot of things- some I could relate to, and some were inspiring to see how she dealt with things that I could not relate. I felt so exhausted and frustrated with her when it came to some of the drama in the band and her life. I loved it! Other than that I’ve been reading comics! I got caught up on Walking Dead, read one called Reborn about a girl who died and came into this fantasy world after death so find her family and friends who had passed before her fighting against evil. I’ve also read a lot of Tomb Raider as I currently replay the video games! The book I’m reading right now is 11/22/63 by Stephen King. I am so excited! I have heard some good things! I’m also 10 books behind on my reading challenge says Good Reads, so I’m trying to step up the pace!

I’ve also been watching lots of good movies and tv shows! I laughed really hard at Masterminds with Kristen Wiig and Zach Galifianakis with my brother. I rewatched Coraline recently- a kind of creepy, Tim Burton feeling kids movie. I went and saw Dunkirk, and I started a Netflix series called Ozarks. It’s this intense series about a guy (Jason Bateman’s character) who was apart of this business who was laundering money to a gang. The gang finds out that the money is missing and goes to kill everyone off, but Jason Bateman’s character makes a deal to get back the money and to make even more money for them. This is where the show takes off. It is intense and so far so good! Also, I have been watching a ton of criminal minds! I am ADDICTED to that show! I’m just going on to season 2 now thanks to the android box! The third season of Narcos and the new season of How To Get Away with Murder is on Netflix! SO much love!

So other than this have I really been up to anything else? The answer is no lol. I’ve done some shopping and I went on a trip that I will talk about in other posts, but for now I think that we are all caught up! I have some mega future plans! I have 3 big trips coming up within this year, I’m quitting jobs, taking un classes instead of university classes, I’m making amends with family members, updating my room, trying to get in shape, trying to care more about my image when I go out, connecting with more friends, checking out future programs I can take, learning new things, and collecting different things for an eventual move out date, whenever that may be.

I’m so happy to be back and writing again! I want the blog to take on a new feel. I want to tell you my story instead of trying to give advice. I want to connect in a story telling way rather than me just blatantly telling you things. Along the way if I inspire you, give advice, teach something or learn something than that is amazing. I want to teach myself a new form of writing, so I am excited!

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Back to my roots, having some Remedy and ready to type out my blog posts!
I’m so excited to be back! How are you and what have you been up to lately?!

– Erin xo (Gossip Girl 😉 minus the Gossip)

 

Exercise Update

Hey lovely people,

I wanted to give you guys an update about how life on a diet and exercise is going currently. UM it’s going horribly! I haven’t been following the plan, because the plan IS HARD. It’s hard to not overeat, and to restrict my diet THIS much all at once. It’s even hard to find the time to workout or plan a meal! Today is my first day off in 20 days…. ya that is telling you something right there. I’m also freaking out, because I have 69 days until I go to Mexico! That is not a lot my friends! Time to really get down too it!

Alright so here’s my list of bad things I’ve been doing:

  1. Not Exercising
  2. Drinking TOO much coffee
  3. Not eating enough healthy meals
  4. Have not been glutten free or vegetarian
  5. Not getting enough sleep

On the other hand, here is my list of pros:

  1. When I eat out I drink water and eat as vegetarian as possible
  2.  I have been eating a lot of veggies lately (around 4 cups which is way more than usual), I’ve been snacking on it way more
  3. I’ve been managing my stress a lot better
  4. I have been waking up a lot earlier, but I’m still going to bed too late
  5. I’m drinking more water

So I do have a bit of a plan. Recently I quit 1/4 of my jobs- this one is the most stressful and I realized I don’t really need it! I’ll be done as of the end of the month! This means I will have WAY more time to myself. I’m also going on vacation this week, so that I can do something other than work for a week AND it’ll be a healthy vacation as well (more on this later).

I truly think that the best way to get on track is to meal plan. I haven’t been doing this at all, because I have been so busy. I think if I do this and prep all of my meals that’ll force me to eat healthy and change up my diet. I don’t mind eating healthy- I love it! I just haven’t had the time, so I’m hoping this helps! I feel like time is the biggest thing for me. Once I manage my time better I will have fast easy meals for when I am on the go, I will have more time for exercising, and I think more time to sleep at proper times! Maybe once I’m rested too I will feel more motivated as well!

Here’s hoping! Any advice would be wonderful as well!

Love you guys!

-Erin xo

Anxiety

Hi Dear Readers,

One reason for starting this blog was to be able to express myself and to write about whatever I wanted to. I wanted to use this space as a place where I could come to heal when times are tough. I’ve always found writing to be healing. Throughout my experience on here, I have written different articles that have helped me accept different pieces of my past or present. I have found that I’ve completely stopped thinking about them because they are at peace now! So on here, I feel like it’s time that I talk about my anxiety that I have had for many years.

I don’t remember when it all began, because it’s been such a big part of my life for so long that it feels like I’ve had more anxious moments than non- anxious. What’s kept my head afloat for all of these years is that I have an amazing support system! And I mean amazing! I am VERY close with my family. I can call anyone of them at any time and they will listen and give me the god honest truth. My friend’s have also been supportive. My best friend and I talk openly about our mental health. It’s apart of our daily conversations it seems. It’s like we check in with each, especially after either one of us has an episode. Like “hey how are you feeling now?.” This is all very important to both of us, because it is non-judgemental, and we are free to talk about whatever we want. We each have moments where we just break down and contact each other for moral support. This happens anytime/ anywhere. The other day she messaged me about how it was extremely important that she talk to face-to- face about something making her anxious. The time before that I had a panic attack and needed help. The point is, is that I have a good support group where I feel like I can talk about anything and no one will judge me. I’m not uncomfortable saying what I’m anxious about to anyone in my support system- I just know it’s something that has to be done. I also write. All the time. I have kept journals for years, and in every single one, I have talked for pages and pages about what’s making me anxious, sad, unhappy, whatever. I re-read them too. This way I can see what is it that is making me anxious, and then when I can target it, I write out my plan of attack. Like ok here’s a list of things I’m going to do to make this situation better. But most times it just feels good to write it all out. It’s checking in with yourself and the motion of actually writing versus typing or talking is soothing.

What do I get anxious about? It can literally be about anything. Here’s some of my day-to-day stuff:

  1. Time- I think a lot of people struggle with this. I sometimes feel like I struggle with all forms of time. Sometimes, I’m worried I’m going to late to work, so I start chewing my nails, fidgeting, yelling at traffic, speeding, etc. Sometimes it’s about age. Things like “ Oh my god I’m this old now and look where I’m at, I have no idea what I want, I work a crappy minimum wage job, when will my life start, am I getting to old for certain things, time is going by too fast, I’ll never be able to accomplish everything I had intended too, time is going fast and my dogs are getting older to fast which is worrying (this thought ALWAYS makes me cry), what if I die too soon? My parents and siblings are getting older. See? Time is worrying and scary and sometimes the anxiety I get worrying about it is crippling and other times I feel like I can push it away, distract myself.

2- Social Anxiety while being more of an extrovert. Yup. You’re probably thinking um what? Here’s the deal. I love meeting knew people! I find that I actually hate being alone most of the time! I always have my dogs, my family, or friends around. I do need sometime to myself to think about me, but I really don’t crave it that much. I love to go out and hang with people. I love sitting in cafes, or anything like that if I’m working. I love sitting with people in the same room at home doing our own thing, but still enjoying being around each other. However, I have social anxiety a lot of the time as well. Like I said, I love meeting people, but when I do, I get all weird and quiet and I completely change myself. I get anxiety about them not liking me for me. Will they be ok with how I look? What I’m wearing? Why is my voice sound emotionless and quiet? Why can’t I look them in the eye? With Dudes: Are they going to secretly be a serial killer? What if I like them and then they hurt me? What if this is all for nothing? What if they don’t like how I look- no they probably don’t? Is this me flirting? HOW DO I EVEN FLIRT? What if we sex? Am I even good at that anymore? Like what if they hate it though with me? What if they just want sex? Are they out of my league? What if I am alone forever? How do I even meet normal people? Oh god why are they messaging me? What if it gets awkward on a date, what do I say? This is just some of the stuff I can think of. In a relationship with a guy: do they like me? Do they still like me? Do they still like me?! What if they hate me? What if I made them super angry? How do I fix this problem that isn’t actually there that I invented? It’s worse with guys, girls I can relate to and I know I’m awesome at friendship- although there are still those people you are like friendship wise you might be out of my league, like you wouldn’t be caught dead hanging out with someone like me.

3- Irrational Fears- I have a lot of these VERY dumb fears that I shouldn’t even take time out of my day to stress over, but I do. Here’s an example, my parents went away last week so I watched the house. The whole time I was stressing about a break in and someone killing me. Every time my dogs went outside I locked the doors, but then I was like I would hate it more if they hurt them so I watched them out there the whole time, I locked the bathroom doors in case someone were to walk in while I was showering. I locked the door to my parents bedroom at night, so that I would be safe in there- just another lock for someone to get through if they broke in, any noise- I would mute and listen, I double and triple checked to make sure doors were locked. The list goes on for what I could be afraid of.

So, the last thing I wanted to talk about, because the post is SO long, is how I can tell when my anxiety is bad. Alright, so here’s what happens to me:

  1. I chew all of my nails off.
  2. I pull all of my hangnails off and pick at the skin until my fingers are bleeding.
  3. I’ve stopped writing.
  4. I anxiously cry a lot and may also hyperventilate
  5. My jaw is sore from grinding my teeth
  6. When was the last time I talked to someone again?
  7. I am fidgeting- I can’t focus on anything or I do in short spurts as in I’ll think about a lot of different things at once
  8. When you talk to me, I’m zoned out and not listening OR I’m talking to much about too many different topics
  9. I’m not really sleeping that well, and I’m hungry
  10. I’m irritated easily

All of these I don’t know I’m doing at the time, but when my fingers are sore and bleeding or my jaw hurts, it kicks in about what I’m doing and that I need to write or talk to someone asap.

I’m proud of how far I have come. I have tried different coping mechanisms over the years- some including self medication- and I have had some major downs. But it’s ok, because I learned the hard way and broke through to the other side! I’ve begun to learn how I can make my break through some of these fears and anxious moments. Sometimes you have to just act before you overthink. My gut is usually right, so I’ve been trusting that a lot more before I get the chance to overthink. Sometimes I can’t help the anxiety. So when I get to that point, other people or myself pick up on one or more of those 10 signs and talk it out to me or I talk it out/write it out. I also have some other things I do: yup I am a proud owner of a fidget cube- this helps me focus and also gives my hands something to do- especially if I am driving (I have a horrible habit of unlocking and locking my phone for no reason, or changing the radio station 30 million times even if I like the song playing), I get gel nails- these are unchewable! And also I’m less likely to pick the skin around my nails (sorry for the graphic details),I take a day or evening and relax using face masks and bath bombs, I instantly start writing, I usually message someone to talk or just meet someone to even hangout with- we don’t have to talk about my problem, but having someone there is what makes it easier for me. I have something soft on my bed. I used to sleep with a teddy bear for SO long and yes you guys can all judge and think it’s weird but having something soft was soothing. After it turned into soft blankets and now my dogs. People check it out! Texture was HUGE for me, and I realized that it helps me get to sleep to pet my dogs or have a nice fuzzy blanket. Sound is too. I have to listen to music and belt things out! Take the time to sing a song very off key!

Anyways, I really hope this page has helped you out in anyway! If you’re in a bad place, please seek help. You can get through this even if you feel like you can’t, and maybe those words aren’t comforting because you can’t control what’s happening to you, but that’s ok. I’m just speaking the truth to you and sometimes it’s nice to hear.

-Erin